personal reflections…

18 July 2011

I wanted a space to write and record some of the more background musings associated with this journey of ours. I’m not sure if this is the best format to do this. But I can’t sleep tonight and it feels like big changes are taking place. Part of the reason for starting this blog is a feeling, a knowing, that it is essential to share this journey we are on with others. My inner voice tells me something big, bigger than we can imagine, is going to come from this and that we must keep acting, moving forward, and listening clearly to our inner voice for guidance. It is edgy to write this down, but it feels true, and I have learned to trust my intuition. I feel called to live in this area, I feel called to this relationship, and I feel called to live in a conscious and sustainable way and share it openly with others. In so many ways, I see how we are supported in every way with anything that brings us closer to our true path. And yet, neither Rachel or I know exactly what this ‘true path’ is…

For the past 18 months, we have be learning to understand and accept each other. We have incredibly similar values, goals and dreams. Yet we are astoundingly different in so many ways. We have had to learn to work together, open up fully to each other, be vulnerable, ask for support, stand our ground and fight for our own voice. At no time have I felt we wouldn’t resolve our challenges; but there have been many moments of extreme frustration, disconnection and disillusionment. Our love and spiritual connection has held us firm. I think Harry, our dog, has helped us both a great deal too…he is a little energy worker and always knows how to break the tension or pull us back into a cuddle!!

Whew! There are so many fears that come up. My mind still wrestles with doubt and uncertainty. But these voices are getting dimmer, the fears are less intimidating, and the excitement and joy is beginning to burst through. I find myself willing to do whatever is required to bring this vision into reality. I feel it is what I have been working towards my entire life. And I still don’t know exactly what that is… Funny, it feels so known and so unknown!

About the time Rachel finished working at the permaculture farm (early 2010), I started to ask my inner voice what direct action I needed to be taking to move forward towards our vision. The response to my question has consistently been ‘LEARN’. Just that one simple, clear word. I was being told that the time was now to accrue as much knowledge as we could about farming and sustainable living. I felt an incredible urgency, like a pressure inside me about following this. Reading books didn’t feel like it would satisfy this imperative and so, we have been seeking a more practical way to learn. That’s where we started with this blog – the meltdown and the finding of our friendly organic farmers.

I would say, right now, we have manifested the ideal conditions in which to LEARN. A fantastic organic farm, run by an amazing couple, who are willing to share everything they know with anyone who wants to learn it. And through these guys, we have discovered, just 30 minutes away, one of the few Organic Farming/Agriculture Courses currently on offer in this country. I am blessed in that I work for myself and hence I can rearrange my hours in order to fit in these new activities. Rachel is Goddess of Domestic Affairs right now, and so her schedule is also flexible. We have everything we need. We even have an amazing dog minder so that Harry isn’t left home alone too much!

So here we are…taking this giant step, which I am sure in retrospect will feel like just another step along this amazing journey. A journey that began for me when I was just a child. A spiritual unfolding that has taken many unexpected turns, but one that has always been leading me here…

I am humbly on the edge of my seat, busting to see what the Universe has planned. I know it will be amazing. I also know that I still have much work to do every day, to stay clear and conscious and to open up to love and to life. I know that my inner world is an exact mirror of my outer world and both need to be loving, sustainable, pure and in harmony with God/Nature/Universe (GNU).

Thanks for tuning in. I am a photographer (passionate amateur) and so I like to use images to express myself. Here’s one that feels apt.

Michelle

we can only ever see a fraction of the path that lays ahead…
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